Hiei Meets Santa Clause
by pupeez4eva
Summary: Traumatised children. A confused Yukina. An angry Hiei. A pedophilic Santa. A Christmas Shopping trip turns disasterous and poor Kurama's left to deal with the aftermath.


Hiei bit back a groan as he walked through the bustling building (the ningens called it a shopping center). Ningens milled around him all banging into each other, apologizing, and then doing the same thing again. For about the fifth time someone bumped into him; this time it was a rather overweight male.

"Sorry, sorry" he muttered.

"I will castrate you" Hiei snarled under his breath.

"Did you say something, Oniichan?"

Hiei forced the malicious look from his face and smiled slightly; a look he reserved for his beloved sister Yukina. Said female had recently found out about their relation to each other; she'd been...well for no better word, quite scary. Kuwabara often had dark circles around his eyes and when someone asked what was wrong he often answered with 'My Beloved Snow Bunny' and 'Pots.' The use of those two words in the same sentence gave everyone a good indication of what he was talking about.

And no, Hiei was not afraid of his innocent, gentle, loving twin sister. Not at all.

"I didn't say anything, Yukina" he replied. Yukina was the only reason he had allowed the Fox to drag him into this hell-hole. When Kurama had suggested that Hiei come Christmas Shopping with him (Christmas - another ridiculous thing that the Ningens came up with) Hiei had simply scoffed. But then Yukina had overheard and had gushed about how much fun it would be; and of course he hadn't been able to say no after that.

"Ooohh...Oniichan, look at that Kimono!" she gestured happily over to a shop window where the red and green item was being kept on display. "Kurama-san told me that those are the Christmas colours!"

"Christmas. Simply ridiculous" Hiei grumbled.

"I thought it sounded nice" Yukina said, her eyes shining excitedly.

"Hn."

"Oh Oniichan - look! What do you think that man's doing?"

Hiei followed his sister's gaze and blanched when he saw what she was pointing at. A rather plump man sat on a chair. He was dressed in bright red with white furnishings; a red hat sat on his head covering his white hair. A beard sprouted from his face and his eyes twinkled merrily.

"Yukina!" Hiei cursed when he realized that his sister was nowhere in sight. He sighed in relief when he spotted her, closer to where the man was, gazing curiously at him. Other children and their parents milled around; for some reason the man seemed to interest them.

"Well hello dear!" the man said, addressing Yukina. "Why don't you sit on my lap and tell me what you want?"

And that had been his downfall.

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><p>"Sorry Officer - I am very sorry about what he did...yes...of course, yes..."<p>

Kurama spun around, grabbed Hiei's elbow and all but dragged the demon down the street. Yukina hurried after them.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Kurama snarled.

"He was flirting with my sister!" Hiei snapped.

"He was not!" the red head all but groaned.

"He asked her to sit on his lap" Hiei argued.

"It's his job!"

"...His job is to perv on children?"

"No!" Kurama groaned. "Look...Hiei...he was dressed up as Santa Clause; he was _pretending to be Santa Clause!"_

Hiei blinked.

"Whose Santa Clause?"

Kurama let out a muffled moan and ran a hand through his hair.

"Santa..." he said. "Is a...person children believe in."

"And that man back there was this 'Santa Clause?'"

"No" Kurama sighed. "Because Santa doesn't exist."

Hiei blinked again.

"...He doesn't? Then why do those baka children believe in him?"

"...Look that really isn't relevant" Kurama sighed. "What is relevant is...you broke that mans jaw Hiei. You _broke his jaw."_

"Oh" Yukina said, fretfully. "Kurama-san...I should really go back and heal him..."

"Don't bother" Hiei spat. "After the dirty things he said to you..."

"..._They weren't dirty!" _Kurama snapped. "And Yukina" he added, more gently. "I think healing him would do more harm than good."

"Oh? Why?" asked the confused Koorime.

"...Let's just say those children really don't need to be anymore traumatized than they already are. Healing him would be like screaming 'I'm a demon!' ... That would scare them; a lot."

"They needed a few real life experiences" Hiei scoffed. "A few life lessons to help them later on."

"...Hiei, I don't think that blood spurting across the room counts as a life lesson."

"Kurama-san who is Santa Clause?" Yukina asked, curiously.

"Well" Kurama sighed."As I said, he is someone children believe him. Parents tell the story to them..."

"...Parents encourage children to believe in something that isn't real?" Hiei asked.

"Yes Hiei" Kurama sighed. "Anyway, as I was saying...as the story goes, Santa travels around the world on the night before Christmas, delivering presents to all the good children and coal to all the bad ones. He travels on a sleigh pulled by reindeer and comes through the chimneys to deliver presents..."

He trailed off at the incredulous look Hiei was giving him.

"What?"

"...So your saying that basically parents tell children that it's okay if an old pedophile climbs through the chimney on this one night because he's going to give them presents?"

"No...that's not what I said..."

"It sounds like one of those thriller movies that the Detective is always trying to make me watch!" Hiei exclaimed. "Why would anyone tell their parents about this Satan Claws fellow?"

"...Satan Claws?"

"You realize that the letters of 'Santa' rearranged spells 'Satan?' And 'Clause' sounds a lot like 'Claws'...you think that's a coincidence?"

"...I'm sure it is Hiei" Kurama sighed.

"That story is just giving ideas to murderers" Hiei grumbled. "Honestly...Satan Claws..."

"...Santa Clause" Kurama sighed.

"...Coming through the chimney and delivering presents...there are some serial killers who like to choose themes for their murders. That would be a perfect one."

Kurama blinked.

"Well...um...I'm not so good at singing..."

Both demons whirled around to see a boy, around Kurama's age (human age) rubbing his neck nervously as Yukina gazed at him with wide, excited eyes. Hiei bristled and Kurama laid a hand on his shoulder, giving him a warning glance.

"Oh please!" Yukina begged. "I want to know what that song you were singing was...you said it was a 'Christmas' song...I like Christmas!"

The last bit was said with extra cheer. The boy swallowed and nodded nervously.

"Well...alright...it's 'you better watch our...you better not cry..."

The sound of a fist connecting with bone echoed through the area.

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><p>"Yes...yes...Officer, I am very sorry...please, he has...problems...in the head. Yes I understand that boy may want to press charges...yes I understand the consequences...yes...thank you...one again I am very sorry...goodbye."<p>

The police officer left and Kurama whirled around to face Hiei. The fire demon had not left his sister's side since the drama had taken place, and was currently standing protectively in front of her. Yukina looked bewildered.

"Hiei" Kurama ground out. "_What _were you thinking?"

"He was threatening my sister!" Hiei roared. "Did you hear what he was saying? Did you? _'You better watch out...you better not cry...'" _He ground his teeth together. "If only you'd told _that_ to that baka officer!"

Kurama banged his hand against his palm and let out a muffled sound that was somewhere between a moan and a sob.

"Why do I always get stuck with the insane ones?" he groaned.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**Hope you liked that.**

**The bit earlier in the story (the one about how Yukina found out Hiei was her brother and got angry) is a reference to another one of my stories, Never Anger An Ice Maiden.**

**Sorry if any of the characters were OOC.**

**Review please.**


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